Diversity New Zealand

Everything about us, with us

Thu, 11 Jun 2026 22:37:46 -0700

“Nothing About Us Without Us.”

It is a lovely phrase. It has rhythm, rhyme and force. It has become a defining principle of disability activism: decisions affecting disabled people must include disabled people.

But the more I say it, the more I notice its first word:

Nothing.

The phrase can be described as a double negative. Technically, the two negatives do not cancel each other out or make the sentence incorrect. But it is certainly constructed from two negative ideas: nothing and without.

To understand it, the listener has to make a small mental conversion:

Nothing about us should happen without us, which means
Everything about us should happen with us.

Of course, most people understand the slogan. Brain science does not show that human beings are incapable of comprehending negative phrases. That would itself be an overstatement.

Research, however, suggests that negative statements often require more cognitive effort than affirmative ones. Negation can take longer to integrate into the meaning of a sentence, and people may initially activate the idea being negated before mentally reversing it. Clear and relevant context can make negative language easier to process.¹ ² ³

This is why telling someone, “Don’t think of a pink elephant,” tends to produce a rather vivid pink elephant.

The issue is not that the brain ignores the word “don’t”. It is that the positive image is usually easier to picture than its absence.

That makes me wonder about “Nothing About Us Without Us”.

Its political meaning is powerful, but its language begins with absence. It tells people...Read More

The art of managing people with bad memories

Mon, 08 Jun 2026 19:40:01 -0700

I lead a group of four people with bad memories.

This includes me, which is either very egalitarian or deeply unwise. Especially as it’s about my disability support.

On paper, leadership is about vision, strategy, clarity, accountability and direction. In practice, it is often about saying, “Did we agree who was doing that?” while everyone looks thoughtful, concerned, and completely blank.

There is a particular kind of silence that falls over a team when everyone knows a decision was made, but nobody knows what it was. It is not quite panic. It is more like group archaeology. We begin gently excavating the past.

“Was that Tuesday?”
“No, I think it was after the other thing.”
“What other thing?”
“The thing we forgot to do before this thing.”

And so leadership becomes less about command and control, and more about compassionate detective work.

Memory is not a moral quality

The first rule of managing people with bad memories is to stop treating memory as a measure of character.

Forgetting is not laziness. It is not disrespect. It is not proof that someone does not care.

Sometimes it is stress. Sometimes it is overload. Sometimes it is pain, disability, fatigue, grief, medication, too many moving parts, or simply being human in a world that expects us all to operate like synchronised cloud storage.

When a team forgets things, the least useful response is blame. Blame has a terrible memory too. It forgets context, capacity and kindness.

So we try not to ask, “Whose fault is this?”

We ask, “What system failed to catch this before it fell on my head?”

Much more useful. Slightly less satisfying. Better for morale.

Never trust a spoken agreement

A spoken agreement is a beautiful thing. It creates warmth, connection and the illusion of progress.

It is also, in our team, basically a...Read More

Ronelle Kiterangi Baker ONZM

Mon, 01 Jun 2026 19:35:06 -0700

It's not often that a go0d friend gets a King's Honour. But my friend Ronelle got one on Monday 1 June 2026.

Below are the things she's done (I've never known her as "Mrs Baker", but it will be her new nickname!) More importantly, let me tell you who she is.

Ronelle is one of those rare people who somehow manages to be humble and quietly confident at the same time.

She has been my friend, colleague, confidante and supporter for decades — someone whose wisdom, wit and kindness have meant more to me than I can easily say. She is brave without needing to announce it, profound without ever being grand, and gentle in a way that makes people feel safe, seen and valued.

She is also a loving parent and partner, generous with her time, her care and her fierce belief in others. Ronelle has a way of bringing depth, humour and humanity into every space she is part of.

I am so proud, and deeply grateful, to be part of her whānaunga.

Arohanui e hoa ataahua.

https://www.dpmc.govt.nz/honours/lists/kb2026-onzm#bakerro

Individualised Funding failure leaves disabled employer carrying payroll debt

Fri, 30 Jan 2026 20:09:44 -0800

MEDIA RELEASE – For immediate release

Individualised Funding failure leaves disabled employer carrying payroll debt

Philip Patston, Managing Director of Diversity New Zealand Ltd, says he has been left personally liable for wages after his final Individualised Funding allocation was incorrectly applied, with no agency taking responsibility.

Patston says the shortfall leaves him filling payroll gaps himself, despite acting in good faith and following required processes.

He says the Individual Funding system lacks basic safeguards, including error correction, escalation pathways, and financial protection for disabled employers.

Patston is calling for immediate remediation, clear accountability, and urgent reform.

**ENDS**

One hard year in fifty-eight

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 23:03:32 -0800

2025 has been one of the hardest years of my life to accept. Not because I failed — but because the systems around me did.

I injured my arm and hand and was funnelled into ACC, a process that too often treats injured and disabled people as problems to be managed rather than citizens to be supported. I was forced to fight for disability support funding that exists in policy but evaporates in practice. At the same time, I lost a significant portion of my income — not due to lack of demand, capability, or relevance, but because this government chose to disinvest in workforce, leadership, and development across community organisations.

This was not accidental. It was ideological.

It reflects a political decision to hollow out the social infrastructure that keeps communities functioning, while expecting individuals to quietly absorb the fallout.

Throughout the year, I navigated bureaucracy that confused control with accountability, communication so poor it bordered on negligence, and persistent misinformation about my right to employ and direct my own support crew — despite this being long-established practice and principle.

The cost was not just financial. It was cumulative, emotional, and embodied.

And still — I adapted. I advocated. I persisted. Not because the system worked, but because I refused to disappear inside it.

If 2025 proves anything, it is this: resilience is being used as a substitute for responsibility.

Disabled people are being asked to be endlessly patient, endlessly flexible, endlessly grateful — while services are cut, decisions delayed, and accountability diffused.

This is not personal misfortune. It is the predictable outcome of political choices.

So here are the calls to action.

To policymakers:

Stop treating disability, injury, and community leadership as...Read More

"Stop all postponement" is an oxymoron.

Fri, 24 Oct 2025 21:08:08 -0700

I have a browser app that gives me a daily mantra. To expand on yesterday's post, I asked ChatGPT about today's mantra: "Stop all postponement." Is it an oxymoron. Does it mean 'keep going?'
Here's my answer:
Yes — “stop all postponement” is, strictly speaking, an oxymoron.
Literal reading: “Stop postponement” means don’t delay anymore. Adding “all” intensifies it, so literally it means cease every form of delay.
Effectively: It means act now, keep going, or follow through without hesitation.
The phrase plays on contradiction — “stop” (implying halting) versus “postponement” (which itself means delaying or halting). That tension can make it sound paradoxical but rhetorically forceful, as if saying:
“Stop stopping.”
“No more putting things off.”
“Move forward now.”
So yes — in meaning, “stop all postponement” essentially means keep going or do it now.
Hmmm, I disagree. Based on my current situation and since the beginning of the year that's happened, sometimes you need to "stop keeping going."
Pause and clarify
Instead of reacting, take a breath and ask questions.
“Can you tell me more about what makes you think that?”
“When did that happen?”
“What did you notice?”
Clarifying shows openness. It also helps you gather facts before jumping to conclusions — theirs or yours.
Acknowledge you might be wrong
Anyone may be mistaken. It’s also possible you or your employer are. As Kathryn Schulz explores in her TED Talk, On Being Wrong, we all carry blind spots — times when we’re certain we’re right but aren’t. Schulz reminds us that being wrong feels exactly like being right, right up until we realise we’re not.
Acknowledging that possibility disarms tension. You might say:
“I thought I had done that, but I could be wrong — let’s check.”
Apologise if appropriate
If it turns out you did miss something, a sincere apology goes a long way.
“I’m sorry — I didn’t realise that. Thanks for pointing it out.”
Ask how you can do better next time
End constructively. Turn the moment into a learning opportunity.
“How can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?”
“Would it help if I checked in more regularly?”
When your employer...Read More

I got scammed by “Nike” on LinkedIn

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 21:49:53 -0700

I was almost scammed by someone claiming to be from Nike on LinkedIn. I tried several times to meet on Google Meet. Nada. No show. Something didn’t feel right, so I searched their name and found a post that hit the nail on the head:
RECRUITMENT SCAMMERS 😡 on LinkedIn — here’s how it goes:
They play on your emotions 😤 and just want your money. They discredit all genuine recruiters on LinkedIn. [My experience]
You post that you’re open for work. [Yes]
You’re immediately contacted by 2–3 fake recruiters. [Only 1]
They flatter you — “you’re brilliant, just what we need,” etc. [Yes]
They ask questions, pretending to be genuinely interested. [No]
They ask for your CV. [Yes]
They tell you it’s terrible and needs to be “fixed.” [No, opposite]
They direct you to Fiverr, where they “know someone” who can help. [No]
That someone is probably them. [No]
They run your CV through ChatGPT and an ATS scanner — then charge you. [No]
When you say you’ll check their credentials, they vanish. [No]
Their LinkedIn profiles disappear within hours. [Haven't looked; can't remember]
It’s astonishing how easy it is to get caught in the moment — especially when you’re open to opportunities, hopeful, and maybe a little vulnerable. They use your enthusiasm against you.
Luckily, I'm not too enthusiastic about working at the moment.
I’m sharing this because I want others to be aware. If someone...Read More

What does “falling in love” even mean?

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 22:08:51 -0700

I’ve never been sure whether “falling in love” is something I feel, or something I’ve been taught to perform. On one hand, there’s the bodily drama — butterflies, sweaty palms, sleepless nights. On the other, there’s the endless script: Hollywood zooms in, Spotify croons, Shakespeare insists teenagers dying for each other is the highest form of devotion. Am I actually in love, or am I just well-rehearsed?
Western culture loves the lightning-strike story — one person, one destiny, one life rearranged. Other traditions seem far more sensible. In te ao Māori, aroha stretches across compassion, connection, land, and whānau — hardly the stuff of rom-coms. In many Eastern philosophies, love looks more like cultivation than combustion, less “you complete me” and more “let’s not tip the balance.” Compared to that, “falling” sounds clumsy at best, dangerous at worst.
And then there’s projection. Françoise Simpère nailed it in The Art and Etiquette of Polyamory (2005): half the time we don’t even like the other person — we just like being liked by them. Honestly, I’ve caught myself there. Sometimes I’m intoxicated less by who they are, and more by the glow of my reflection in their eyes. It’s narcissism with a soundtrack.
So let’s be blunt. “Falling in love” isn’t a grand descent into destiny; it’s a cocktail of brain chemicals, social programming, and our desperate hunger for validation. It’s not tumbling through centuries of epic stories; it’s tripping over my own ego, hoping someone catches me before I face-plant. If that’s romance, then sure — I’ve fallen. But mostly, it feels like gravity doing its usual job.
And yet — if you’re one of those lucky people who are in love, genuinely, sustainably, ridiculously — good on you. Just don’t expect me to stop side-eyeing the fall.
Read More

I don’t give more access to sexual partners than to friends

Fri, 26 Sep 2025 20:50:48 -0700

I’ve noticed something odd.
Most people expect you to open your home, heart, and secrets to your sexual partner. That’s the norm. You’re meant to prioritise them. They become the main character in your life. Friends? They’re background noise. Side characters. Optional extras.
But that’s never been how I’ve lived.
I don’t give more access to my life to sexual partners than I do to my friends. In fact, my friends often know more about me—more deeply, more consistently—than anyone I’ve shared a bed with.
And honestly, this unsettles people.
1. Society assumes sex is the entry point to everything
There’s a cultural script: if we’re having sex, I get access to your time, your feelings, your fridge, your future. You “let me in.”
But I’ve always questioned that. Why does sex unlock a higher tier of access than years of shared history, trust, and real connection?
Sex doesn’t necessarily create emotional safety. Friendship does.
2. My friends are my partners
I’ve had intense, life-changing friendships that have lasted decades. We’ve seen each other through death, birth, breakdowns, breakthroughs. We’ve slept in the same beds platonically. We’ve cried over each other’s pain. We’ve shared food, money, silence, mess.
These relationships aren’t “lesser” just because they don’t involve sex. If anything, they’re often more enduring—and more honest.
3. I want sex, but I don’t want hierarchy
At nearly 58, I don’t want a boyfriend, partner, or husband. I want sexual intimacy, as
a friend. Casual, respectful, mutual. I don’t need to blend bank accounts or host dinner parties with someone’s parents.
And being polyamorous, I don’t want...Read More