PLEASE RESPECT MY CANDOUR IN SHARING MY EXPERIENCE PUBLICLY. IF YOU WANT TO JUDGE OR SHAME ME, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.
When life feels like it's falling apart, it’s easy to turn to something that promises comfort, even if only for a moment. For me, that comfort has often come in the form of drinking two 750ml bottles of Shiraz a day — my way of coping — my method of numbing the sharp edges of uncertainty and frustration.
The past few months have been some of the hardest of my life. Since the end of 2024, I’ve had no income, and the disability support funding that I rely on has been hanging in limbo. I've also injured nerves in my left arm, wrist, hand and fingers. Every time I reach out, there’s silence. The only certainty right now is that I’m still waiting to hear whether I’ll continue to receive the support I need to meet my wellness and quality of life. To add to that stress, my wheelchair cushion, which should be replaced every two years, is now five years old. It’s caused a pressure area, which gives me pain. The thought of trying to get it replaced feels like another battle I’m too exhausted to fight, but I have initiated it. No update as yet.
In this sea of uncertainty, Shiraz has become my anchor. It's a way to soften the edges of my experience — a method of soothing my emotions when everything else feels out of control. Alcohol is part of the cultural fabric in many societies, offering a momentary escape and a way to manage stress. In times like these, I understand why many people turn to it. It allows for temporary relief, giving space to breathe even if only for a while.
Addiction is often referred to as a "self-soothing" tool. It's a temporary balm for wounds that run deep. I realise the complexity of balancing coping mechanisms with the need for other forms of support and understanding. Shiraz doesn’t solve my problems, but it creates a moment everyday where the intensity of those problems feels more manageable.
There’s a common misconception that addiction is an individual weakness. This is untrue. It is an illness that manifests in the lack of social and community support. Studies have shown that addiction is often linked to broader social determinants, such as isolation, poverty, and lack of access to mental health care. Rather than a personal failing, it reflects a failure in the systems that should provide the necessary support and care for individuals facing tough times.
Even though I drink "too much" in the eyes of our moral society, I am still able to function as a professional in my daily work role. If ever there were a "functional addict", I am the epitome! I continue to show up, meet my responsibilities, and serve those around me with the same dedication as before. It's a reminder that addiction does not always look the same, and it’s possible to carry on functioning in many ways, even while navigating the complexity of this struggle.
I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us, in times of hardship, turn to substances to soothe our pain. The struggle is real, and the shame often keeps us from reaching out. It’s easier to turn inward and rely on something familiar than to face the fear and confusion of an uncertain future. But I also know that this cycle isn’t always sustainable in the long term. At some point, I will find other ways to cope, especially as I navigate the challenges ahead. But right now, Shiraz is my go-to.
The phone call I received today about my income compensation payment is a small glimmer of hope. It’s a reminder that things can change, even if slowly. I’m not giving up. I’m sharing this because I know there are others out there who might be going through similar struggles. We all deserve to feel better, but we also deserve to do so in ways that support our overall well-being — not just temporary relief.
References:
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2020). "Alcohol Use and Alcohol Use Disorder." Retrieved from https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/.
American Psychological Association. (2019). "Coping with Stress." Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress.
World Health Organization. (2018). "Global Status Report on Alcohol and Health 2018." Retrieved from https://www.who.int/.
American Society of Addiction Medicine. (2019). "Addiction Is a Disease, Not a Moral Failing." Retrieved from https://www.asam.org/.