Diversity New Zealand logo
Diversity New Zealand logo

Curious about diversity, identity, complexity and change?

www.diversitynz.com

  • Home/Blog
  • About/CV
  • Philosophy
  • Services
  • Clients
  • Testimonials
  • Media
  • Contact
  • …  
    • Home/Blog
    • About/CV
    • Philosophy
    • Services
    • Clients
    • Testimonials
    • Media
    • Contact
  • Search
BOOK ME
Diversity New Zealand logo
Diversity New Zealand logo

Curious about diversity, identity, complexity and change?

www.diversitynz.com

  • Home/Blog
  • About/CV
  • Philosophy
  • Services
  • Clients
  • Testimonials
  • Media
  • Contact
  • …  
    • Home/Blog
    • About/CV
    • Philosophy
    • Services
    • Clients
    • Testimonials
    • Media
    • Contact
  • Search
BOOK ME
Diversity New Zealand logo

Embracing my darkness to radiate my lightness

There was a time when I thought the goal of life was to seek light — to banish the dark, to bury pain, to rise above every shadow. I chased positivity like it was a finish line. But the older I got, the more I realised: my light doesn’t exist in spite of my darkness. It exists because of it.

Goethe once said, “Where there is much light, the shadow is deep.” The more I’ve grown, the more I understand this: our personal development isn’t linear, nor purely upward. Like trees, we grow and decay. Leaves fall so that new shoots can emerge. Roots deepen into the dark, moist soil before branches can reach for the sun. Without decay, there is no renewal.

Lately, I’ve found myself deep in that soil. An old wheelchair cushion has caused a pressure area — minor, but persistent. My income has vanished since the end of 2024 due to cancelled contracts. Disability support funding, once a given, is now stuck in limbo, with no clear answers in sight. It’s been months of uncertainty, silence, and slow healing — not just physical, but emotional and financial too.

And yet, in this mess — this ‘decay’ — I’m learning more than I ever did in the stable times. At a Proteus Initiative workshop in February 2014, I came to a realisation: there’s more diversity in decay than in growth. More ways to break, more shades of failure, more shapes of grief. Growth, by contrast, requires certainty — sunlight, water, stillness — and when it comes, it often looks predictable, uniform, even safe.

The shadows I once feared — grief, addiction, self-doubt, fear of failure — are the very spaces from which I’ve gained depth and compassion. They’ve grounded me, humbled me, and made my light less performative, more honest.

So now, I honour the full spectrum of my being. I welcome my darkness, not as a flaw to fix, but as fertile ground from which growth and radiance emerge. Light without shadow is flat and blinding. But when we embrace both, we become textured, whole, and profoundly human.

An androgynous person sits at the border of shadow and sunlight in a forest, symbolising the integration of decay, growth, and light within personal transformation.          Ask ChatGPT

Subscribe
Previous
Gumboot Friday
Next
My unique relationship with unconsciousness
 Return to site
Profile picture
Cancel
Cookie Use
We use cookies to improve browsing experience, security, and data collection. By accepting, you agree to the use of cookies for advertising and analytics. You can change your cookie settings at any time. Learn More
Accept all
Settings
Decline All
Cookie Settings
Necessary Cookies
These cookies enable core functionality such as security, network management, and accessibility. These cookies can’t be switched off.
Analytics Cookies
These cookies help us better understand how visitors interact with our website and help us discover errors.
Preferences Cookies
These cookies allow the website to remember choices you've made to provide enhanced functionality and personalization.
Save