My changing ideas about me

I used to think I had to be just one thing. One kind of person, with a singular identity, a tidy little label I could slap on like a name badge. “Hello, my name is…” But life, it turns out, is a lot messier than that. And richer. And more interesting.

My ideas about myself have shifted — not all at once, but gradually, like tectonic plates rearranging. Sometimes with a jolt, sometimes with barely a whisper. Here are some of the big ones.

Polyamory

Once upon a time, I believed in the fairy tale — one soulmate, forever. Now I believe in love that doesn’t require ownership. Love that’s abundant, not scarce. Polyamory isn’t just about relationships, it’s about dismantling the idea that any one person has to meet all our needs. It’s about community, autonomy, and trust — a practice, not a fixed identity.

Gender identity

I no longer feel beholden to the binary. Not masculine or feminine. But fluid, and free. Women have had a far bigger impact on me than men, even though I identify as gay. I’ve stopped trying to fit into a shape that was never cut for me. The more I let myself exist outside of expectation, the more at home I feel in my own skin.

Neuro-uniqueness

I used to see my brain as faulty. Too fast, too much, too sensitive. But I’ve come to see my neurodivergence not as a diagnosis but a difference — a way of sensing the world with depth, intensity, and pattern. It’s exhausting sometimes. But it’s also a superpower.

Addiction

For years, I internalised the story that addiction was weakness. That drinking too much was a moral failing. Now I see it differently. It’s a response to pain. A need for comfort. A strategy — imperfect, yes — but understandable. It's not about shame. It’s about unmet needs and survival.

Mental health

I’m not “broken.” I’m human. Sadness, anxiety, rage, despair — they’re not flaws. They’re messengers. Sometimes I listen. Sometimes I distract myself. I’m learning that both are okay. Mental health is less about “fixing” myself and more about making space for all the parts of me

Business

Capitalism teaches us that business is about profit. But I’ve learned it can be about purpose, too. About people. About making change, not just making money. My work is personal. It’s political. It’s shaped by all these evolving understandings of who I am and what I value.

Who I am is not static. It never was.

I am a work in progress, and that’s not a flaw — it’s a feature. Every time I let go of an old idea about myself, I make room for a new one to take its place. Not better, not worse — just truer.