Since January, I've had no work/income. I bruised my arm nerves giving me very little feeling and movement in my left wrist and hhand. My personal support budget has been questioned and I have been waiting for an outcome since February. Meanwhile, I've been drinking more to soothe myself, physically, psychologically and emotionally. I don't apologise for this. "Addiction" is misjudged, misunderstood and people are blamed and shamed for situations in their lives over which they have no control.
I have a browser app Momentum, that shows a daily mantra. Today mine was, "Forgive yourself." I was reminded that I have chastising myself about actions, thoughts and feelings, and blaming myself for creating my situation.
So I took to my AI chap, ChatGPT.
The word "forgive" comes from Old English forgiefan, which is composed of two elements:
for-: a prefix meaning "completely" or "thoroughly" (also used to intensify or indicate removal), giefan (modern "give"): meaning "to give, bestow, grant".
So, forgiefan literally meant "to give completely" or "to give up" — in the sense of giving up resentment, a debt, or the desire for retribution.
Timeline of Development:
Old English (pre-1100s): forgiefan — to give up, pardon, remit a sin or debt.
Middle English (1100s–1400s): forgiven or forgeve — increasingly used in both religious and social contexts.
Modern English: forgive — retains the meaning of pardoning or excusing offenses, often tied to moral or emotional release.
Fun Note:
The related noun "forgiveness" only became common in the 14th century, and interestingly, the concept appears in many Indo-European languages with similar compound forms (e.g., German vergeben, Dutch vergeven, Scandinavian förlåta), all implying a kind of “letting go” or “releasing” of a grievance.
The word "forgive" comes from Old English forgiefan, which is composed of two elements:
for-: a prefix meaning "completely" or "thoroughly" (also used to intensify or indicate removal), giefan (modern "give"): meaning "to give, bestow, grant".
So, forgiefan literally meant "to give completely" or "to give up" — in the sense of giving up resentment, a debt, or the desire for retribution.
Timeline of Development:
Old English (pre-1100s): forgiefan — to give up, pardon, remit a sin or debt.
Middle English (1100s–1400s): forgiven or forgeve — increasingly used in both religious and social contexts.
Modern English: forgive — retains the meaning of pardoning or excusing offenses, often tied to moral or emotional release.
Fun Note:
The related noun "forgiveness" only became common in the 14th century, and interestingly, the concept appears in many Indo-European languages with similar compound forms (e.g., German vergeben, Dutch vergeven, Scandinavian förlåta), all implying a kind of “letting go” or “releasing” of a grievance.
We often let go or release others of grievances, without knowing intent. What makes forgiving ourselves difficult is that we think we've somehow done something ourselves to create the situation and we deserve it. We ignore our own intent. Or we assume we've built it on ourselves.
Though this has been an extraordinary and traumental year I'm working hard to not blame myself. And I keep realising I'm lucky — I can still do everything, but it's a lot harder.